Working on a letter to publishers, help me

I really want to have my Christian fiction book traditionally published.  Part of the process is sending letters (called Query Letters) to Agents to see if they will pick up my book.

There is the body of a letter I am working on.  IF you were an agent and received this letter, would you:

A. Want to read a little more of the book?

B. Think that this story line might sell?

C. Want to invest your time into contacting publishers you know to offer them the rights to the book.

Body of the letter:

My first fiction book is titled “He Is Not Alone”.  At 99,840 words it is ready for publication.  “He Is Not Alone” is a Christian fiction book dealing with the Second Coming of Christ and the events leading up to saving the world.

What happens when a common man is given powers by God to save mankind and the Government feels he cannot be trusted and would rather he was dead?  Will is a 30 year old black man who God has given the power to hear and control man’s thoughts, cure the body, save or cause death and control earthly objects. The FBI doesn’t trust him and twice try to kill him.  The religious community considers him the Second Coming of Christ as he displays powers no man has ever had as he cures the terminally ill, brings a child back to life and even causes the death of several FBI agents.  In the end he saves the world from nuclear destruction.  Like Noah, he accomplishes his mission, but then what?  Will dies while preaching to a congregation.  As his spirit leaves his body, he has one last message, You Are Not Alone.

As a novice writer, in the past, I have co-written SQL Server articles and two chapters in two SQL Server 7 books.  I have written and self-published several articles on multiple subjects.  My first self-published pamphlet was “How To Make Unlimited Platinum in Everquest”.  It sold well over 2000 copies on eBay before I left the game. I also wrote a booklet called “Starting An Embroidery Business”.  My latest series is called the Perfect RV.  It is also self-published on Amazon and covers finding, buying and using the Perfect RV based on the needs of the reader.  “He Is Not Alone” is my first fictional book.  I have recently completed my second Christian fiction book titled “Kansas City Volcano”.  I am currently writing “Full-timing for Retirees in the Perfect RV”.

Thank you, <Agent Name> for your time and consideration of “He Is Not Alone”.  I look forward to working with you as He Is Not Alone is published and made available Christians and Non-Christians alike.

*******

Please leave comments or send me an email at rlaubert (at) gmail.com

Comments

  1. Anita

    Hi,
    I read your letter. I applaud your desire to have your work published traditionally. My overall observation is regarding the tone and pace. I must admit, while the story line sounds intriguing, I wasn’t WOO’d with the presentation sounded more l like what you’ve written in the past, a text book. I would suggest you look at this letter as a written job interview. Because the reader cannot see your face and passion for your work, it must be communicated in your writing. Words and phrases that communicate enthusiasm and joy for your work. This is your baby!

    I am praying that your dream of being traditionally published comes to pass
    and you have a host of fans. I think you can count me as one already.

    Blessings to you,
    Anita

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